What to set up at home before the baby arrives

Somewhere around the third trimester, the lists start. Registry lists, hospital bag lists, lists of lists. It is easy to feel behind before the baby has even arrived.

Here is the honest version. Most of what gets sold as essential is optional. A few things are not. And the part that matters most is usually missing from every list, because you cannot put it in a cart.

Start with the sleep space

If you set up only one thing, set up this.

• A crib, bassinet or play yard that meets current U.S. safety standards, with a firm, flat mattress and a tight fitted sheet made for it.
• Nothing else inside. No bumpers, pillows, blankets, positioners or stuffed animals. Crib bumpers and inclined sleepers can no longer be sold in the United States, because they have been linked to infant deaths.
• In your room. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends your baby sleep in your room, in their own space, ideally for at least the first six months.
• If it is secondhand, check it against the recall list from the Consumer Product Safety Commission, and make sure no parts are missing or loose.

A baby monitor can give you peace of mind. It does not make sleep safer on its own, so it is never a replacement for the basics above.

The car seat, before the due date

Your baby will need a car seat for the very first ride home, and babies do not always wait for the due date.

• Rear-facing, installed in the back seat.
• Installed a few weeks early. Car seats are harder to install correctly than they look. A certified Child Passenger Safety Technician can check it, often for free, and you can find one through NHTSA or Safe Kids.
• Avoid seats with an unknown history. A secondhand seat may have been in a crash, or may be past its expiration date, which is printed on the seat.

And one for New England winters: bulky coats and snowsuits stay out from under the harness. They compress in a crash and leave the straps too loose. Buckle your baby in with regular clothes, then put a blanket or coat over the top of the buckled harness.

Stations, not a nursery

In the first weeks, you will not spend much time in a beautiful nursery. You will spend it on the couch, in bed and in the kitchen. Set up small stations where life actually happens.

A feeding spot, or two. A comfortable chair or corner of the bed with:

• A big water bottle with a straw
• Snacks you can eat with one hand
• A phone charger with a long cable
• Burp cloths
• A small, dim lamp for night feeds

A nursing pillow can help with positioning while you feed. It is never a place for your baby to sleep.

A diaper station on each floor you use. Diapers, wipes, a change of clothes and a trash can with a lid. Fewer stairs at 3 a.m. is a gift.

If you will use bottles, set up a place to wash them. The CDC recommends cleaning bottle parts after every feed and, for extra protection, sanitizing them at least once a day, which matters most for babies younger than 3 months.

A quick safety pass. Test your smoke and carbon monoxide alarms. Set your water heater to 120°F (49°C) or lower to help prevent burns. And even when the baby is tiny, never leave them alone on a changing table, bed or couch.

A corner that is just for you

This is the list nobody gives you. The person recovering from birth needs a setup too, whether it was a vaginal birth or a cesarean.

In the bathroom or next to your bed, keep:

• Large pads, more than you think you will need
• A peri bottle for rinsing
• Comfortable underwear, high-waisted if you have a cesarean
• Cooling pads or ice packs
• A water bottle and snacks, again

Before you leave the hospital or birth center, ask your OB or midwife what they recommend for pain, for your first bowel movements, and which warning signs they want to hear about. Write the answers down. Nobody remembers anything the first week.

It also helps to decide, ahead of time, where you will rest. Not where the baby sleeps. Where you lie down during the day, with the curtains half closed, while someone else answers the door.

The part you cannot buy

In Brazil, the weeks after birth have a name, resguardo, and a whole circle of women built around them. Food arrives. Someone takes the baby so the mother can shower. Nobody expects her to host anyone.

Many families here do not have that circle nearby, so it has to be built on purpose, and before the baby comes is the best time to build it. It is also one of the topics in my postpartum preparation class, because it matters more than any product.

• Choose a pediatrician before birth. Many offices offer a short prenatal visit to meet them.
• Write down the numbers in one place: pediatrician and after-hours line, OB or midwife, and an IBCLC, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, in case feeding gets hard.
• Make a meal plan. A freezer stocked with a few easy meals, or a friend who organizes a meal train.
• Decide who does what. Who walks the dog, who handles school pickup for older siblings, who does laundry. Write it down, so nobody has to ask a tired mother.
• Set visitor rules together. How long people stay, who can hold the baby, and that visitors who come to help are welcome to do the dishes.
• Pick one person you would tell if you started to feel not like yourself. Just knowing who that is helps.

This is general education. Your pediatrician, your OB or midwife, and a certified car seat technician are the right people for questions about your specific home and family.

The nursery can stay half painted. The baby will not notice. What matters is a safe place for them to sleep, a safe way to get home, and a home that is ready to hold you too.